Conscious Choice Seattle: Listen Up, Leaders

February 2004 | From the Editor

Listen Up, Leaders

By Bob Condor

It’s not that men can’t make great leaders. Nothing is further from the case.

The point of this month’s cover report on women leaders is that it is time for more listening.

Lots more listening.

Research clearly points out that men tend to interrupt each other and, especially, women. In one ear, out the other, you know the drill.

In contrast, women are more likely to listen to what a person is saying. They give feedback on your point, rather than forge ahead with another idea.

One landmark study, performed by a couple of University of California-Santa Barbara researchers, found that men do 96 percent of the interrupting during conversations between men and women. That work was performed in 1975. Do you think the percentages have changed much?

Probably not.

Oh, there is some research contending men don’t interrupt in such grossly uneven amounts. The explanation: A man is more likely to “overlap” conversation with a woman and often even shows enthusiasm for her point. But, fact is, the guy is still not letting the woman finish.

That’s one reason why Christine Gregoire is on this cover of Evergreen Monthly. When asked about her campaign plans, Gregoire’s first comment was that she planned “to do a lot of listening and absorbing” in the coming months.

Another reason is Gregoire has navigated what was once a predominantly male world—the attorney general’s department of this state and 49 others—with rousing success (page 18). She got her points across, no doubt. But the guess here is it started by her deciding to listen first, then act.

Isn’t that what we can use most from our leaders?

Whether it’s Gregoire as our next governor or the sharp co-worker who has good ideas about kickstarting a stalled project, we need listening skills from our leaders. Women are natural-born listeners.

Kris Steinnes knows it. She founded the Women of Wisdom (WOW) conference 12 years ago and will lead nearly a thousand women again this month at an event that runs over nine days (page 21). The conference is established as a place where women can hear the stories of other women—presumably uninterrupted. No less than best-selling author and mythologist Jean Houston told Steinnes “there is nothing like it” when speaking at the WOW conference in the past. Not unimportantly, Steinnes has made some talks, concerts and workshops open to men in recent years.

Leadership is about inclusion.

Mary K. McNeill is a proven listener too. In her case, it is hearing what children have to say about war, then incorporating those kid feelings into songs (page 12). She lost her job at a local public school because of her willingness to listen and unwillingness to follow an instruction that songs about peace are OK but “anti-war” is not.

Three women, three leaders, three examples of why we can discover a better tomorrow with some females in charge. It’s time for a change. Just ask the constant string of men who have said as much to Gregoire on the campaign trail.

When the subject is listening, I always remember what I heard from a male doctor, of all people. Dr. Redford Williams, a professor of behavioral medicine at Duke University in Durham, N.C., is the guy. Along with his Ph.D. researcher wife, Virginia, he wrote a valuable book called “LifeSkills” and runs a consulting service by the same name.

“Listening is learning to appreciate a situation from the other person’s point of view—especially when you know you’re right and the other person is wrong,” he says. “Listening is deciding you will be changed by what you are about to hear.”

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